Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
zico
3:29 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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Thanks for all the kind words earlier in the thread and sympathies to those in the same boat.
It's interesting how you learn yourself. At the start I was trying to correct mum as you almost are willing her to remember but as time goes on you realise that's not for the best and just to change subject. Unless it's something you have to pull her up on. At hospital two days ago she was trying to get up. "Where are you going?" I asked "Off to get a glass of wine!!" was the reply. I had to tell her that the hospital didn't have a wine cellar but at that point she didn't even know she was in hospital!!
18 months ago she was driving, paying all her bills, sorting out her own insurance etc but she lost her sister (to dementia) and her best friend within 24 hours and it's been downhill since then,.
The hardest part is convincing the authorities. Mum had memory tests in October and scored 75/100 so they kind of fobbed her off for a year. Then Occupational Health were meant o do an assessment but they rang her asked if she was ok, she said she was fine and they crossed her off the list! Unbelievable!
That's what people outside don't realise. Until you get a mental capacity statement what mum/dad whoever say goes. Even if it's bad decisions they are still considered to be making them. So you as a relative with concerns are banging your head against a brick wall until like mum now they end up in hospital and something has to be done by the authorities.
You have dreadful guilt though as a relative always thinking you could and should have done more. It was only after I persuaded her to allow me to help with her paperwork and bills that I noticed her gardener has been ripping her off for years. £480 for a garden clear that he did again two weeks later for the same price. Borrowed £2000 from her!! But sadly probably hasn't done anything wrong legally because mum probably agreed to it all.
I'd advise anyone whose parent lives on their own and may be suffering a bit of memory loss to get Lasting Power of Attorneys done but prior to that ask mum or dad if you can help them out with their paperwork as some workmen, insurance companies etc may take advantage.
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dealcanvey
2:27 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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My Grandad had it but thankfully he passed away before it fully took over him.
Could not eat or drink properly by the end but he still knew pretty much who his close family was which was a blessing.
The best thing to do is when they are saying something that does not make sense is just go along with it. Telling them they are wrong or trying to fight it just confuses them even more. Bring up old times/memories alot. Even if it is the same story you talked about the day before. They know no different but remembering old times seems to bring them back in the room which is good for everyone.
About two weeks before he died he asked my nan to marry him (despite already being married for 61 years). As she left the room he went 'she's not that pretty but she is lovely'. Still cracks me up..
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Coffee
12:49 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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Oh, got it.
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Coffee
12:48 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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Mrs Grandma??
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Block
10:30 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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The Mrs Grandma has it,absolutely horrific disease.
Has declined so badly within the last 6 months, she's forgot how to tie her shoe laces, open and close her front door, hold a knife and fork.
So sad to watch.
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balders
9:28 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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See my nan suffer with this for her last 3 years
Give me a choice of a bullet any day horrible horrible existence
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Darby_
7:58 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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For a lot of baby boomers in particular, their work was their life and they just fall to pieces when they don’t have anything to do. That was true of my dad to some extent. He didn’t fall to pieces as such, but I’m not sure he was happy when his forgetfulness meant that he couldn’t work any more. It’s all well and good to say that you want to work til you drop, but your body or mind might not allow for that.
I looked after my dad for a few years when he was suffering from Alzheimer’s so I know the illness pretty well. I joke to my mother that if I ever get diagnosed, I’m going to buy a big farm, plant a bunch of fruit trees and build an electric fence around it, so when I forget who I am, I can at least feed myself with fruit and not wander off over the horizon.
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joe royal
7:05 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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Leonard Hatred 10:12 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
He’s doing well then , one thing I read was vascular dementia usually only have 5 years after being diagnosed .
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Mart O
5:39 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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I wouldn't judge too quick, arsegrapes, SON (not that I'm saying you are). I've had jobs that most would describe as "good", six figure salaries, stacks of muppets apparently working for me, hundreds of emails a day, non stop travel and all that corporate bollocks.
Piece of cake compared to looking after two dying parents.
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arsegrapes
12:23 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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I was abroad for a while but was shocked and saddened until this day when my mother told me after my nan died that they kept it from me that my nan used to punch my grandad in the face and other places out of frustration (they were together 60 years). He had Alziehmers and Parkinson's at 65, towards the end he didn't recognise anyone, couldn't control his bowels and used to have fits having cared for him for a decade he went in a home to die.
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claret50
12:08 Tue May 7
Re: Dementia
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joe royal 7:58 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
ok , 75 then.
A word in your shell like Joe...... bollocks old son, I'll be 78 next month with fucking years to go still.⚒️
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Westham67
11:30 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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I'd work at much as I could but somewhere warm in 5 years
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kylay
10:51 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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Lost my dad to it about a year and a half ago.It's about the worst experience of my life. It did bring the family closer together. It's such a humbling disease and strips life down such that you realize the only thing you really have is each other...Still no one deserves to go through that. not the person and especially not the caregivers.
Even just reading others' experiences on here brings back a lot of difficult emotions.
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Darlo Debs
10:25 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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mashed my work shows me being lonely and spending my days watching itv3 is something i only want to.do.sometimes
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mashed in maryland
10:14 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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Loads of thick cunts on the dole never get bored, loads of young folk can easily spend 18hrs a day playing video games. Keeping yourself occupied isn't just to stave off boredom is it?
Wouldn't wish unemployment on my worst enemy and from what I've seen retirement isn't much different.
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Darlo Debs
10:13 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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if i am.fit and able i'd carry on working in some capacity (either paid or voluntary) probably not full time but i am.with mashed on this one
.
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Leonard Hatred
10:12 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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MIM
That's pretty much what happened to my dad. He loved working and didn't really have any hobbies apart from supping ale. My mum kept hassling him to retire and he wouldn't, because he was worried that, in his words, he'd "go to seed".
Finally packed up work completely aged 77, and almost immediately started to go downhill.
84 now.
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Nurse Ratched
10:07 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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Mashed
I am certain I have enough interests and internal resources to keep my mind ticking over.
Only stupid people get bored.
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mashed in maryland
9:47 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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"I won't carry on working past retirement age unless I can't afford to stop working"
Fuck that.
There's a saying: stop working, start dying.
The mind needs occupying and there's a reason so many old fuckers need to dream up weird ways to spend their unlimited free time.
If being bone idle was so great then we'd all be unemployed.
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Mart O
9:16 Mon May 6
Re: Dementia
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Anyway, "assuming I'm not doolally..."
I have news. Not all of it good...
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